argh

what is wrong with me lately? i kinda become this sensitive bitch these days -_- even my own gf is fed up with me talking and complaining all the time ._. and thus, what can i do aside from trashing around in my own private blog *sigh*

I’ve been down lately. like today, she left me again to watch a movie that i really really want to watch. i mean, i practically asked her myself to watch that movie together with me! but hell. she ditched me to be with her friends. what sucks is that she doesn’t even try to change the time. it’s a new movie! it is not you are going to miss it tomorrow. they will be showing again tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and so on.

but why must she insist to watch it today? just because she promised her friends…? i really don’t know what kind of promises she will came up. i just don’t want to care… i dont care if it’s other movies that im not even interested in. but why this one ? the one that i wanted to watch together with her so much. why…?

and this thing. this stupid password thing. guess she is still hooked with her ex. and i thought i was wrong same fucking password she never changes it and she dares to tell me she changed it already.

i mean fuck. why do i care so much? fuck. i hate crying by myself.

and the worst thing of all. i can’t even say a word about it. if i did, she will tell me all i do is complain. talk. complain. talk. fucking lashing out at her. and i don’t know. what i know is it is better for me not to talk. argh gosh.

just argh.

one fucked up life

She once asked why i never write good things about her in my blog.
How can i?
I’d say that is one of the hardest thing to do.
It is not that she is a bad person, hence the difficulties.
It is just that we fought almost every single day. Not even a day without a fight, and it is getting worse each day.
She feels i nag her a lot. She thinks im crazy. Im not worth talking to, because all i speak are rubbish. Not worth mentioning or being answered to.
Maybe she is right. Maybe i am super fucked up. Like super duper fucked up.
I can’t find answers to my question. She thinks my questions are something she can’t be bothered with.

I thought being in a relationship is supposed to make you feel happy, not feel like a nutjob.
It is supposed to help you grow better, not worse.
If the relationship is not working the way it is supposed to be; and your partner won’t help you at all….
What does that mean then?

different someone

Sometimes i do not understand her.
It is like she is a totally different person.
She never acts like that in front of others.

Just this one girl.
I don’t lie when i say she likes her.
She does like her.
It is obvious from her attitude.

…..
I guess it is time to consider leaving.