what'smineisyours

argh

xhia — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 12:12:16 +0000

what is wrong with me lately? i kinda become this sensitive bitch these days -_- even my own gf is fed up with me talking and complaining all the time ._. and thus, what can i do aside from trashing around in my own private blog *sigh*

I’ve been down lately. like today, she left me again to watch a movie that i really really want to watch. i mean, i practically asked her myself to watch that movie together with me! but hell. she ditched me to be with her friends. what sucks is that she doesn’t even try to change the time. it’s a new movie! it is not you are going to miss it tomorrow. they will be showing again tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and so on.

but why must she insist to watch it today? just because she promised her friends…? i really don’t know what kind of promises she will came up. i just don’t want to care… i dont care if it’s other movies that im not even interested in. but why this one ? the one that i wanted to watch together with her so much. why…?

and this thing. this stupid password thing. guess she is still hooked with her ex. and i thought i was wrong same fucking password she never changes it and she dares to tell me she changed it already.

i mean fuck. why do i care so much? fuck. i hate crying by myself.

and the worst thing of all. i can’t even say a word about it. if i did, she will tell me all i do is complain. talk. complain. talk. fucking lashing out at her. and i don’t know. what i know is it is better for me not to talk. argh gosh.

just argh.

one fucked up life

xhia — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:48:06 +0000

She once asked why i never write good things about her in my blog.
How can i?
I’d say that is one of the hardest thing to do.
It is not that she is a bad person, hence the difficulties.
It is just that we fought almost every single day. Not even a day without a fight, and it is getting worse each day.
She feels i nag her a lot. She thinks im crazy. Im not worth talking to, because all i speak are rubbish. Not worth mentioning or being answered to.
Maybe she is right. Maybe i am super fucked up. Like super duper fucked up.
I can’t find answers to my question. She thinks my questions are something she can’t be bothered with.

I thought being in a relationship is supposed to make you feel happy, not feel like a nutjob.
It is supposed to help you grow better, not worse.
If the relationship is not working the way it is supposed to be; and your partner won’t help you at all….
What does that mean then?

different someone

xhia — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 13:09:51 +0000

Sometimes i do not understand her.
It is like she is a totally different person.
She never acts like that in front of others.

Just this one girl.
I don’t lie when i say she likes her.
She does like her.
It is obvious from her attitude.

…..
I guess it is time to consider leaving.

xhia — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 14:16:36 +0000

Wants to be with me my ass.
Sigh. i know that was a lie.
A relief. At least.

Like i fucking care too much abt it.
She doesn’t even remember the date.
Or the month.
Or fuck it.
Gw sendiri yg anggep ini serius.

I shouldn’t even bother.
Kl gw gak ngmg pun jg dia gak inget.
She is the first fucking gf that i have yang:
Lupa aniv
Spends aniv day to celebrate whatever with her friends
Fucking says wants to be with me and run off with her friends
And at last! Aniv just as any other day

True she nvr does anything wrong
But hell, maybe thts because she feels single.
Or she thinks herself single.
Whatever.
I don’t want to know.
If she can do that.
I can too.

2010

xhia — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:57:11 +0000

Gak berasa udah lama banget semenjak gw nulis di sini. It does give me a feeling of embarrassment to read my past entries. Gak tau kenapa. Anyway. First of all, happy new year 2010 to everybody!

I know it is super late to say that now. but to say the least, it is a new start for this blog *if i ever updated again*.

In summary, 2009 was a year full of deceit. lies. hardships. heartbreaks. Then again, that was also the year when i found love Nearing the end of 2009, I somehow somewhat resolved my doubts for her. Though it was done through a quite unpleasant turn of events… not something that i regret now. I did blame her for it, but secretly i am thanking her for being such a lazy asshole. haha.

Closing 2009, end with the doubts. no more lies. and wishing for less hardships.

Starting 2010, I am determined to finished my studies. Get a super duper good grades. Start finding ways to make money *where i do not have to bust my ass to do so*. Apply a PR. Somehow do my intern. Be more DILIGENT, NEAT , and less of a couch potato. duh duh duh.

Having my kittens have helped me in spending less *in a way*. And please please please, somebody give me the urge to get thin. I am practically BLOATED now. I do not need to weigh myself. I mean, i have my own personal commentator that always reminds me how fat i am *thank you*.

…Okay. now she has gone back to her stuff to do. dear baby also forgets *!! SEE I BOLD THIS* that today is our anniversary. 10 months! who would ever thought of that.

Anyway, i gotta go back to my work. and baby keeps on pestering me with appendices and bibliography. Learn baby learn! just because i doted you during your arcs class *haha* doesn’t mean i’ll dote you even now. muahahaha.

When lies were unfold

xhia — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:46:56 +0000

And once again, i, unexpectedly capable of finding her lies.
You know, im starting to get a feeling she does resemble lisa.
Because what she tells, aint necessarily be the truth.

Oh i hate my ex.
Oh i can’t be friend with my ex.
Oh i don’t want to talk with her anymore.
Oh i have thrown away all her stuff and the stuff given by her.

However,
First: she was frantic when she forgot her ex’s bday.
2nd: password -_- how can you forget if that is the thing you type everyday? Even i, now, remember her ex’s bday.
3rd: she was suuupper frantic when her ‘beloved” foxtrot was borrowed and not returned. And i just found out today, it is either her ex’s or from her ex’s.
and not to mention some other stuff.

No, i am not jealous.
Which is bad because tht means,
I won’t care anymore….
She is not living up to her words.
That makes her just like lisa

:(

xhia — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:46:58 +0000

I wonder what does it mean?
Why am i feeling this way? ._.
Awwieeee x____x

Vintage RPGs

xhia — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:59:04 +0000

Baru aja hari ini, sehabis hari shopping yg melelahkan, gw maen game ps3.
2 hari yg lalu, gw baru aja beli 2 game rpg ps3 sekaligus alhasil dr lapar mata gw yg berlebihan.
Dua game tsb adalah cross edge dan agarest: generation of war. Berhubung dipost dr bb, gambarny nyusul ya.

Si cross edge ini uda game rd lama dan si agarest itu new arrival. Kemaren gw da coba agarest, hari ini si cross edge pula lah gw jajal.
Gw gak ngerti kenapa, itu dua game gameplayny mirip bgt!
Lebih tepatny 95% sama persis.
Lsg gw cek developerny. Beda kok!
Sangat amat aneh o_o

Tp bkn hal itu yg gw pgn omongin. Satu hal yg gw sadar *ato tepatny sang pacar yg sadar duluan*, gameplay rpg sekarang makin susah ya?
Jujur gw berasa, dimulai dr kejayaan rpg plg ancient yaitu era FF7, gameplayn mudah sekali. Tinggal pilih, attack, guard, item, magic.
Trus bam bam bam. You won!

Tapi entah kenapa semakin lama, bunuh musuhny skrg kok makin susah ya?
Sekarang mst pencet macem2 banget!
Contohny ini 2 game yg gw maenin.

Dalem satu layar, banyak bgt tulisanny. Ada burst down etc etc. Bukan hanya pd saat layar statis, pada saat attack musuh pun, kita mesti pencet tombol sambil liatin layar warna warni penuh tulisan. Dan tulisan2 itu penting bgt utk dilihat kl lu mau dpt combo2 kuat.

Hmm.

Ribet bgt ya?
Equipment. Skill. Dll dll dll.
Tp tetep screen fightny itu yg menurut gw plg parah.

Trus gw liat ratingny. Teens. Gitu katanya.
Wow. Teens.
Ini gw yg IQ jongkok ato apa ya? Apa teens2 jaman skrg uda hebat dan pinter bgt ampe bs ngertiin game ky bgn?
Jujur aja gw bth bc guide buat ngertiin system gameplay ini.
Dulu gw pas teens, gw inget bgt gw maen FF yg super simple aja itu bego bgt. Ky gak ngerti byk.
Gelo aja kl diksh yg begini. Gak bisa maen bo.

Apakah para game developer gak mikirin sang gameplay pd saat ksh rating? Ato cm mikir profit ya?

Emg bkn urusan gw sih. Cuma a view dr gw yg emg da gamer dr jaman bahela, kalo gak semua gamer itu hardcore2 bgt.
Gw maen game krn pd awalny tertarik sm cerita yg di offer game2 itu. Kl gameny tll susah, sapa jg yg mau maen. Yg ada lama2 org males beli krn gak bisa maenin dan hargany mahal ._.

Oh well. Untung pokemon ms tetep aja sama2. Hehehe.

The Right Choice

xhia — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 08:41:19 +0000

Sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice yesterday. She told me they only talked abt school.
But apparently it is more like curhat rather than just abt ‘school’.
Like what she told me.

And she does not have a bf.
Cm hts.
Ah, the thing a girl would say just to be able to reconnect with lost love.

Now I kinda regret dissed ibu pas dia blg apa bnr cecep itu baek.
Yah udah lah ya, kl ampe dia blk ama mantanny, salah gw jg ngasih.
Hihi. Sama aja bok ky lisa!
So much for trusting her.

Si Mata Merah

xhia — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 20:52:17 +0000

Beberapa hari ini, entah kenapa mata gw dilanda semacam penyakit yang menyebabkan tu mata jadi merah. Awalny sih, cm ky merah gr2 kebawa tidur pk softlense. Kepikiran buat beli obat mata, tapi thanks to my dearest gf, itu obat mata gak kebeli2 *maklum, kita males jalan dan otak malas nginget*.

Sampe akhirny, 2 hari yg lalu mata gw super merahny.
Mulailah gw panik.

Entah untung ato sue, si pacar lg sibuk dgn urusanny sendiri. Makanya gw berhasil dapetin waktu untuk cari obat mata sendiri.

Sesampeny di rumah, buru2 lah gw pasang obat mata.
Dan beneran, gw gak tau gr2 obat matany emg kentel, ato gw tetesny ampir tiap 5 menit sekali, ato gw kebanyakan nangis… Mata gw mengeluarkan cairan lengket.

Begitu juga dgn paginy. Tuh mata bertumpuk dgn tai2 yg super lengket. Menurut pacar gw, mata gw itu berpenyakit. Dan gw disaranin buat ke dokter mata.
Mengingat dulu pengalaman gw ke dokter yg dia saranin membuat gw lebih miskin 676 dollar dari biasanya…. Gw rasa gw lb percaya obat dr guardian seharga 13 dollar deh. Biarpun dokter yg dia saranin *katany* cuma 20 dollar…dan ada di bishan *wth?! Gw aja gak tau itu di pedalaman mana*

Kalo kata ken: gw kena virus matany. Kayak uut! Kata ken. Gw ampe shock. Makin tambah nervous. Bayang2: virus vs dokter 20 dollar. Yg satu takut penyakitny, satu takut dikasi obatny.
Gimana donk?

Tapi yg plg gw takutin itu, kasus mata gw sama ky si bicup yg notabene males copot lense, mengakibatkan pembuluh darah matany pecah.

Oh no.

No no no. The worst part of tht was she had to stop wearing lense for a few months.
Mampus aja gw. Mau jadi apa nanti gw tiap hr pake kcmt?!!

Kenapa?
Kenapa ini harus terjadi ama gw T-T

Apa gara2 karma dulu gw ketawain dia?
Kembaliin mata sehat gw!!!!!!

*kalo gw merepetin si pacar, akankah gw sembu:? Ato seenggakny dia ikut bintitan gr2 ngintipin blog mulu?*

*ngarep*
hihi